


All That We See or Seem

by outsquatchin94



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s04e02 The Angel Maker, Episode: s04e03 Minimal Loss, Episode: s04e09 52 Pickup, F/M, Longing, Suggested Hotch/Prentiss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26558389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/outsquatchin94/pseuds/outsquatchin94
Summary: Emily thinks about things and considers new aspects of her relationship with her boss. Hotch considers things about Emily and asks some questions.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	All That We See or Seem

**Author's Note:**

> "All that we see or seem / is but a dream within a dream."

It had all started a few cases ago, when he brushed past her on the jet. He had gotten _much_ closer than usual. It wasn’t strictly inappropriate (also, the jet had limited room to get around anyone, so they all bumped into each other at some point), but Emily found herself wondering about it as she took her seat by Rossi. Hotch was on the other side of the table, so she made sure to keep her eyes focused on the table and her copy of the case file. She would just have to consider this a little more and see what happened.

Slowly, although Emily had promised herself that she would keep herself to herself at this new job, she had found herself opening up to her teammates. She had never shared the real truth about her past. She had alluded to some time overseas, but her file had been carefully filled in to explain away her time before the BAU. And she bit her tongue and counted to (at least) five any time children came up. Sometimes, like that one case of the missing child at the mall, she couldn’t help it and she went full-on. She had decided she had shared enough the last time around, and lost enough, so it would be easier to keep things simple here. However, that plan wasn’t working as well as she’d hoped it would.

New York happened. Hotch nearly got blown up, and Kate was killed. Although she and JJ had exchanged some quiet comments about Kate’s similarity to Haley, Emily was horrified by what had happened. Too often, their job seemed to involve just waiting for bodies to pile up, but this was a new low for the whole team. Watching Hotch struggle to finish the case and then cope with the physical limitations of his inner-ear injury had been difficult. Emily had noticed his reserve and his attempts not to flinch on the jet, even as everyone else laughed along with Reid’s ‘eviler twin’ theory. She had found herself watching her boss, as he sat across the table and tried hard to pretend he was fine. And that hadn’t been the last time. At least Rossi was also quick to pull Hotch back, so that Emily didn’t make a fool of herself by continuing to find reasons to put her hands on her boss. _He’s your boss,_ she kept reminding herself, although that was doing less and less to stop her thoughts as they slid toward what might be. _That’s a fool’s errand, Emily,_ she told herself, _and it won’t do to go there._

The whole case was rough, and the end was especially tense. There was no good way to close a case that ended with the death of someone's close friend, and Emily had noticed the tension between Hotch and Morgan as they all boarded the jet. Perhaps even more unsettling was the dream she had while they flew home. She had been standing at the window in her apartment, yet instead of a city view, she could see a wide open country sky. Then she had felt a hand on her elbow and turned to see Hotch beside her. They had turned to face the stars and watched as the Heavenly Bodies moved across the dark night sky. The whole thing was entirely ridiculous, but it had made her uneasy that her mind was concocting such stories for itself. She reminded herself that dreams were just the mind’s way of processing what had occurred during waking hours, and that they meant very little. In the day or so they were home before their next case, she considered trying to go out and pick up a one night stand to shake off the persistent desire to just feel someone close to her. She ended up browsing animal shelter listings instead (after a long talk with Garcia over a pair of strong margaritas).

And then Colorado happened. It was an unmitigated disaster from start to finish, but she had held on to the knowledge that the team would come and find them. That and _other_ things that she knew from prior experience. Pretending not to know Reid had been devastating, but coming out to see the stark relief on Hotch and Rossi’s faces had been more terrifying. Had they been so unsure she and Reid would make it out? It was easy to forget, while she was there, that anything else on the outside mattered. Her focus narrowed to calculating her opponent’s next move, getting herself through whatever was coming next, and finding a way to come up with a new strategy.

Emerging from the building and not seeing Reid or Morgan had made her heart stop. It was only after, as she sat in the ambulance and got checked over, that the reality began to sink in. Rossi had stopped by to pat her shoulder and put eyes on her, leaving once he was satisfied that she was in one piece. The scrapes would heal, she reminded him. He just nodded.

“Hotch was worried about you,” Rossi had murmured to her, giving her a significant look.

Emily had nodded slowly. “I know. It’s been bad since New York.”

“Sure,” Rossi had agreed. “It’s because of New York.”

Rossi had nodded again and had moved over to check on Reid, who was getting his own thorough once-over by a paramedic. But Emily had doubted his sincerity in that moment. There was something else lurking beneath the surface of his comment. She hadn’t had long to think about it before Hotch appeared at the side of the ambulance and turned his dark gaze on her.

“I’m glad you’re alright,” he had said quietly. “I’m so sorry we put you in that position.”

“Oh-” Emily hadn’t really had a good response to that. “You didn’t know, sir, it wasn’t your fault.”

“True, we didn’t,” Hotch had nodded. “But, I’m still sorry.”

There had been a moment of silence and then: “You try so hard to save people, Prentiss, I want to make sure you won’t forget to be careful yourself.”

  
Hotch had looked surprised by his own candor. “Just that you did something similar all those months ago, that case when Strauss came out. And now this. I know you care about your team but I--we can’t lose you.”

Emily hadn’t had a good response to that, so she just nodded and looked at the ground.

“I’m not second-guessing you, Emily, you showed incredible courage.” Hotch had said quietly. Emily had looked up at that, her jaw going a bit slack. _They had come to ‘Emily,’ now?_ She wondered. They were mostly alone, but there was an EMT lingering somewhere near the front of the truck. Hotch continued. “I believe you belong here, and I also believe we need you to stay in one piece. Can you try to do that for me?”

Hotch had looked at her quite seriously. Privately, Emily thought he might be holding something back, but she didn’t want to ask. There hadn’t been much else to say after that. Hotch had stayed and watched as the paramedic reappeared and put butterfly adhesive bandages over the cuts on her face, and then Hotch had helped her into an SUV. The flight back to D.C. had been less than ideal, given the concussion and the itching from her cuts, but she had slept for most of it. It was only days later, as she peeled off the last of the butterfly bandages in her apartment bathroom that she considered the interaction again and added it to her list. The list.

She found herself working with him more and more, and she appreciated the new things she was learning. She stayed at work almost as late as he did, and she had noticed that he rarely took personal time. She shuddered thinking of the moment he had been served the divorce papers in front of the entire team. It had been one thing after another from that to Kate to Colorado, and none of the cases in the past few months had been easy.

Now, with Jordan Todd trying to fill JJ’s shoes, Emily found herself in a new position as someone Hotch was actually taking advice from. When hotch appeared in the locker room as she was getting ready, she had felt a jolt of nerves.  
 _Steady _, she told herself. _You’ve got a real job to do tonight. You don’t have time to think about this. _  
____

His comment that she had done fine under intense scrutiny had her looking at the ground again. _Intense scrutiny, that was one way of putting it,_ she thought to herself. Hotch could certainly grill people, and they’d all seen that in court. But Hotch was nothing compared to the stakes she’d played. It had been hard, but no matter how much she had wanted to stay in the unit, the worst case scenario had been a safe one.

And so she told him to give Agent Todd some space, and he trusted her. Luckily it worked, but everyone needed some time to grow into their role. And for most agents, these stakes were very high. _The stakes are high,_ she reminded herself sternly, _this is life and death for the victims. _ _  
___

At least that case had been safely resolved, the unsub put away and the last potential victim saved. Emily had rubbed off most of the dark eye makeup, but the lipstick lingered, and the coffee cup in front of her on the jet had a smudge of dark red.

“Emily.” It was said quietly, and it pulled her attention from her daydream of getting home at a normal hour and being in bed already, instead of having just starting their flight back to D.C. Hotch was still looking at her from where he stood by the door to the cockpit.

“Sorry, my mind was elsewhere,” she gave a rueful shake of her head and flicked her bangs away from her eyes with a hand. “Yes, sir?”

“Oh, nothing,” Hotch looked down. Then he seemed to reconsider and slid into the seat across from her. Emily had started taking the single seat on one side of the smaller table. The others usually grouped themselves elsewhere, and she could steal away for a few moments of silence.

Hotch looked at her for a moment, taking in the remnants of her eyeshadow and the dark lipstick. He smiled slightly.

“Do you think women really go for jerks?” He asked her a version of the question he’d posed to Garcia earlier. Emily offered a crooked smile.

“Oh, Hotch,” she shook her head. “I want to say no, but I think sometimes we do.”

He just nodded and looked at her again. He often thought that she might not be telling the whole truth. That had been his first impression of her, that this impeccably prepared and well-put together woman (who had waited in his office for him to get back) could not possibly be who she seemed. But then she had proven herself, by holding on to integrity and refusing to spy (or so he assumed, since Strauss had had it in for his team--and him in particular). Now though, he wondered again. There was something too knowing in that smile, too self-deprecating. Who had Agent Prentiss dated? She said they’d been worse than Viper, however that was possible. Perhaps a bad choice as a teenager? Maybe someone more serious? He shook his head to clear those thoughts. _That’s not appropriate, she’s your agent._ He tried to keep his face composed.

“How bad was it?” He couldn’t help himself, he wanted to know more about what had actually happened in the club. Prentiss chuckled.

“We used Viper’s tactics against him, and he didn’t like it.” She sighed and looked over her shoulder at Agent Todd. “She was good, Hotch. It went well. I do feel like I need several very hot showers, but that feeling’s wearing off with a little time and space.”

She paused for a moment, having just realized what she’d said. She became acutely aware that although Hotch had reapplied some form of cologne or deodorant during the day (and a spicy scent lingered somewhere around him), she could smell _him_ quite clearly. _Well that’s new. And I’ve just told him I want to shower._

Hotch just smiled, however, and nodded. “I’m just glad we had someone we could send. I know Morgan and Reid mostly wanted to tease you, but it did work well.”

Emily nodded. “It did, thankfully. That it did.”

Hotch smiled once more and pulled out his phone, likely going through his emails to start looking at other cases. Emiy looked out the window and thought about the implications of sharing more information. It was getting harder to keep sharing only pieces, but she wasn’t sure how much she could share. She had sworn to let that life go, and as far as she knew, it was safely locked away.

She felt Hotch shift his legs, and his trousered calf brushed against hers. She held very still, but he just slowly stretched his foot farther under the table and leaned back slightly, settling in for the rest of the flight. _Well, well. Yet another thing to add to the list,_ she thought.

**Author's Note:**

> This may have multiple chapters, we'll see.  
> Any mistakes are my own and the result of no beta read.


End file.
